You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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