Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
