...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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