dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
