She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
