she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
