was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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