I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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