I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
