Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
