She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My balls are so social today.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize