im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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