dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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