if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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