it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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