I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
