oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
