I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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