Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
