Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
