are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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