Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
