I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
