I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
