They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
