Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
