but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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