So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
