it wasn't lemon gatorade
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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