It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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