ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you will always have a special place in my vag
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
