Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
