i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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