he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
