There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Michael Bay diarrhea
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize