so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
