if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's always time for handjobs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
