Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
