He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
