i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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