i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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