Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
