so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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