please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
PANTIES FOUND
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
