margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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