the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
