Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
