Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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