1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
