Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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