Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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