There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
