note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I touched a dick in church today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
