And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
