u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
