I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
And then he peed in my hair
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