I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
