Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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