Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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