Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
