I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
