yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
