You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
