I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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