She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize