She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
