she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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