Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
