look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
