Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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