Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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