Whod you bang
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
