The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
