As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
