Pappa wants mamma naked
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
