i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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