a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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