All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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