I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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