DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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