in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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