Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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