It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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