Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
