We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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