Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
