I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
