I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
