I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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