Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
