Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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